AI: It's His Accent!

I wasn't quite sure what to expect from AI doing a
Queen-theme night, but it turned out far better than I
thought it would. It's a testament to Freddie
Mercury, though, that not one of the singers could
come close to him in voice and power, and they were almost
outclassed by some of the songs themselves.

The remaining members of Queen, including Bad
Company's Paul Rogers, were the advisors/coaches this
week and did a pretty decent job. Eeks, they're
getting old....but they can still rock.

Anyway, here goes:

Bucky!: Bucky! was first out of the gate, which is a
terrible position to be in and means he will almost
certainly be in the bottom three tonight. He sang
"Fat Bottomed Girls" and it was great. He was
energetic, raspy-voiced and happy. Bucky! has the
sweetest smile... The country-rock arrangement really
worked for him and he was one of the best of the
night. Go, Bucky!

Ace: Good God, this was awful. Ace sang "We Will
Rock You." The funny thing was that he tried to talk
Brian May into changing not only the arrangement, but
he asked to change the BEAT of the song to an army
staccato, Brian just laughed in his face and said
"This is my song, no way." The arrangement was slower
than the original version and he FORGOT THE WORDS.
Funny stuff, indeed. Paula and Simon were meh about
it and Simon said it was a complete and utter mess.
WWRY is an AGRESSIVE song and Ace took every ounce of
aggression out of it. In fact, I'd call it the "Def
Leppard version" of WWRY. Clueless choice of song.
Clueless style of singing it. I hope he goes tonite.

Kellie: Hoo-hah!!! Kellie picked "Bohemian Rhapsody",
a song Constantine butchered last year in AI. A song
that Suzie O'Neil kicked butt on last year on Rock
Star INXS (she should record and release her version).
Kellie took a different take on it. She brought the
visual: She stood on stage in all black leather with
stiletto heeled boots, wearing a long blonde wig and
lots of makeup, and as the song started the lighting
director did something really weird and lit her from
below so half her face was in shadow and she looked
like a very tired, 40 year old zombie. Creepy as hell
- Simon later said she looked like she belonged in the
"Night of the Living Dead" and I agreed. During the second
half of the song the lighting was kinder to her.
Oh, and her singing? Not really bad - the first part
was sung sweetly, and she rocked the middle but there
was just nothing outstanding about her
performance. Except for the "coochie pop"* she did on
the stage, which you had to see - it was kind of a
fast squat on the stage. Altogether about a C
performance.

Funniest thing: afterwards Simon said something about
how weird Kellie singing the song looked "on paper"
beforehand and she didn't get it - they tried to
explain and she said "it's his accent! I can't
understand him!" Simon laughed and said "likewise" to
her accent. funny stuff, that. You just can't make
up some of the Kellie stuff.

Chris: Chris sang an unknown-to-me-and-everyone-else
song called "Innuendo". He was pretty good but the
song was non-melodic and harsh. I agreed with Simon
that he lost this moment to really connect with the
audience and blow them away. He has such a good rock
voice he should have chosen a Queen song people
recognized. It would have made a huge difference.
Therefore, Simon again called the song choice
"indulgent" and I agree with him. Chris seems to be
stubborn about sticking to his box (with the
exception of last week's country choice). And, from a
fan, that's just maddening to me.

Katharine: Kat was going to sing the uptempo "Don't
Stop Me Now" and changed her mind and picked "Who
Wants to Live Forever", a very powerful ballad. Her
high notes were straining and screechy - I love this
song but she should have picked something that is sung
in her mid-range, not her upper, because she just
doesn't have it. When Freddie sang it his voice did a
natural progression between the mid and upper ranges
and was awesome - she had to work at it. I agreed
with Simon that the director and lighting director
made her look great. She may have sounded better to
the audience because she looked so fabulous, if that
makes any sense. I would not be surprised to see her
in the bottom three this week.

Elliott: Elliott chose to sing "Somebody To Love"
which is probably my favorite Queen song. And he was
EXCELLENT. Brian May was concerned because the song
is so difficult to sing with differing chord changes but was confident Elliott
could do it and he did. And, somehow, Elliott looks
better every week, less troll-like and more
attractive. Is it me? What's going on here? Elliott
was the best of the night. Also? He said he's never
heard the song before. How is that even possible???
Also, Brian said they wrote the song with Aretha
Franklin in mind - I wonder if she has ever sung it?

Taylor: Taylor chose "Crazy Little Thing Called Love"
as his second choice after "We Are The Champions."
Bluntly put, it was awful. His reason for choosing
"Crazy" was so he could dance?!? Which he did. All
over the place. Back to the Tic Schtick.* I need to Google him before I make
too much fun of him because maybe he broke his back
one time in an auto accident or something. He does
the strangest back-in-the-fetal-position dancing and
hopping around I've ever seen, and he got caught up
in his performance, grabbed for the mic stand and
missed it - it went flying across the stage.
hilarious. Voice = mediocre. Paula and Randy loved
it because he "danced"- I agreed with Simon when he
said it was "ridiculous". It was growly, shouty
vocals and spazzy dancing. Best line of the night?
Simon asked Taylor after the performance when Taylor
was still jumping around: "Are you drunk tonight?"

Paris: Good gawd, Paris looked like the resident AI
dominatrix in her black leather outfit, her black
spiked heel boots, her shiny wig and black lace
fingerless gloves. Hoochie mama! This 17 year old
girl sang "The Show Must Go On" looking like a 40 year
old whore. It was very "performance" - and so wrong
for the song. She vamped, bounced, smiled and laughed
her way through one of the saddest songs ever written,
certainly the saddest song in the Queen catalog.
She's done that before - she does not relate the words
of songs to meanings. It was pretty disgusting - all
Simon could say was "I find that a litle weird." Well
said, Simon. She was very Beyond the Thunderdome.*
All theater.

Ok, here's a pet peeve of mine: These kids do not
have any idea that words in songs actually convey
meaning, and are not just vehicles to a glory note.
When it's a sad song they should act like they're
singing a sad song. When it's a happy song, that's
the time to be lively and happy.

When it's a song written by two men, one of whom was
going through a terrible divorce, and one who knew he
was dying but hadn't yet told the world, it's a sad
song. "The Show Must Go On" was written by Brian and
Freddie as each of their lives was changing forever,
and Freddie was saying that even though his heart was
breaking and he would soon be dead, he wanted Queen -
the band, the music, and the fans -to continue on when
he was gone. How hard is it to understand that
breaking hearts and death does not equate to giggles? Paris?

My bottom three: Ace, Taylor, Paris

Going Home: I have no idea. Probably Bucky! (sob) Should be Ace.

* Thanks to the Television Without Pity (TWOP) forum

posters for "Cootchie Pop" and "Beyond the Thunderdome"

and Tic Schtick. Brilliant.