What a night! We saw Kat's coochie! And her boobies!
Somebody ran over Kellie's face with a defective
tanning bed! Elliott looked almost sexy! Paris came
straight from an 80's pimp video! Taylor got bored
and fell asleep! Chris smiled and winked!
Well, love songs it may have been but most of them
were butchered by inept singing and bad choices. I
had hopes for this one, especially after the
awesomeness of last week.
Andrea Bocelli and David Foster were the
pseudo-coaches and they did OK, they seem to have a
bit of a comedy routine they do and that was
entertaining for a few seconds. I was disappointed in
some of the arranging by Foster, though. I think he
got ahead of these kids talents and tried to take them
away from their zones. I noticed this particularly
with Elliott, whose song was assily-badly arranged but
he rose above it, Kellie who should not have tried the
falsetto, and Kat's growly bits should be been left
off the stage.
Here goes:
Kat: Kat sang Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing" and
she's right. It didn't really work for her because
she totally oversang the song and her weak upper
register was too obviously in play. She was crucified
by the judges because, OF COURSE, every time one of
the Idols tries to sing Whitney or Mariah they are
verbally whipped by the judges. I'll give them
Mariah, but Whitney's heyday was a decade and a half
ago and she's been a total pothead since and I don't
know if she even can carry a tune anymore. She
shouldn't be held to such a high standard that other
people don't dare sing her songs without fear of being
shot at sunrise.
OMG, funniest part of the night? Kat's dress. It was
a gorgeous lemony yellow halter dress with a long
split skirt. And we could totally see her black
panties when she did some kind of leg split and her
skirt flew open....wardrobe malfunction, indeed! Oh,
and I know they were black panties and not something
else you might be thinking because she had panty lines
under the dress. I'm sure all the guys loved her
because it was a total booby and peekaboo dress.
Second funniest part of the night was also Kat: After
the song and the judges's ripping her open and salting
the wound, Ryan said "with the volume turned down it
was a great performance"!!!! I must have missed the
context but that's hilarious.
Elliott: Elliott sang Donny Hathaway's, "A Song For
You", which is a gorgeous, difficult song to sing and
he was a delight. He obviously loves this song and
has sung it many times. I wasn't too crazy about
Foster's arrangement but he rose above it. Best
performance of the night. And he looked great. He
made Paula cry. He made me tear up a bit too. It was
a gorgeous song.
Third funniest moment: After the song and before the
numbers, Ryan called Elliott "Mr McPhee"!!!!! Hah!
(maybe he and Kat have soemthing going on we don't
know about......hmmm)
Kellie: Caveat here - "Unchained Melody" is one of my
very favorite songs, and I know it's one of Simon's
also because he's said it several times in the past.
He and I were both dreading hearing Kellie's rendition
of the song and we were not disappoined in its
assiness. It was awful and screechy and boring. She
had a speedbump in her hair which looked extremely
strange. Straight hair with her bangs in a big
backwards bump - who's her hairdresser, anyway? Goofy
hair. Bobby Hatfield: Haunting. Kellie Pickler:
BORING
A very telling moment: Paula basically told her she's
not a star, does not have star quality (in other
words, it was time for her to go home) and NO ONE in
the audience booed. That tells me that maybe
everyone's getting tired of her.
Taylor: Taylor sang "Just Once" and it sucked. Does
Taylor even want to be here any more? He looks tired
and bored. He was off-key or something weird in a few
parts and he had to reach for his notes in other
parts. I just can't like him and this song was pretty
bad.
Paris: What an idiot. Paris started us off by saying
how she's never been in love so she doesn't really
have anything to draw on and doesn't feel like she can
sing an intense love song, then she picks "The Way We
Were". A sad and haunting song about lost love and
happier times and it is a beautiful song but it's a
song meant to be sung AFTER you've experienced
something.....Paris has done this before SHE DOES NOT
CONNECT THE WORDS. Can she read? She cannot seem to
get the point that songs convey WORDS as well as
musical notes. Maybe she thinks that because she
doesn't care nobody else does either. And she
giggled/laughed through the song, which is so, so
wrong.
Her singing wasn't great either: She was straining to
reach some of the notes, and some of it was just weird
sounding. She costumed herself up again and looked
very hard-edged 80's. Her lower register was awful
and painful to listen to. Go away, Paris. She has a
musical niche in jazz where she has a lot of potential
but anything out of that niche is sucky.
Chris: Chris sang Bryan Adams' "Have You Ever Really
Loved A Woman" (woah-man in his southern dialect -
WOAH-man, it was pretty funny.) I thought it was
excellent but he almost always is to me. Excellent,
excellent. My bone with Chris is this: He face is
too glarey and stoney when he sings and his eyes are
too hard. He needs to soften the poser attitude. But
he smiled and winked after his performance so all is
forgiven.
So, did the judges give Kat an ass-ream because they
want the voters to keep her? Was it reverse
psychology? I wonder if they think if someone doesn't
do their best but the judges want the voters to keep
them in the competition, if they give harsh criticism
there'll be a voter backlash and voters will
pity-vote? (That sentence probably doesn't make sense
to anyone but me...)
Oh, and the mics were open during the re-cap but I
couldn't understand anything...I wonder if it was the
judges. Pretty strange the director didn't catch
that.
Best of the night: As usual, Elliott was excellent
and Chris was right up there with him. Even if
neither of these two win, which would be a travesty, I
see a future in music for Chris. I'm not sure Elliott
could sustain a musical career without being the
American Idol, though, which makes me a bit nervous
for him - he is such a beautiful singer he deserves
the recognition.
Bottom three: Kellie, Taylor, Paris
Should go: Kellie (especially when combined with last
week's horrible performance)
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