Really. I know I can do it.

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I've
done it before. Several times.

I'm one of those people who have dieted time and time
again with varying degrees of short-lived success.
The first major diet was Weight Watchers, long ago in
the early '70's, and I lost over 100 pounds, and
looked fabulous. Even I thought so. Then, boom, in a
couple of years it was back. Then I went on a high
protein/low carb diet and lost about 40 pounds. Boom,
it came back. Then I joined a group here at work in a
eat sensible/exercise type diet and lost 60 pounds.
Boom, it came back. These are just the major ones that
worked relatively well... there have also been a lot
of failures.

Anyway, I want to take a cruise.

That means that I want to lose some of this godawful
weight because I know already I will be hot and
extremely uncomfortable if I don't. And I don't have
any expectations of being svelte or thin; I'm shooting
to be able to wear skirts and shorts without looking
like a Mac truck. In other words, at this moment, I'm
shooting for "plump" instead of "obese".

Another problem right now is that I'm developing a
small phobia about being on a plane. Just from the
fat standpoint - the bathrooms are too small, the
seats are too small, the aisles are too narrow, and
some of the people are appalled - you can see it on
their faces. And I've watched "Airline" enough to
know that Southwest can prohibit you from boarding or
make you buy a second ticket for your fat hips if the
ticketer thinks you're too big, and I don't know how
some of the other airlines are handling this but if it
happened to me I'd break out in tears - I'm getting
teary just writing this sentence. And I KNOW the
solution - it's just hard.

Oh my god, I am just too pathetic for words - Charles
just came up to my desk, saw my watery, teary eyes and
asked if I have allergies! Of course, I said YES, I
DO! They've been bothering me all day!! Crap, crap,
crap....I couldn't tell him I was just feeling sorry
for myself, could I?????

Criminy, it's so much work.

So, if anyone's reading this (I know Maime does
sometimes) you'll have to just put up with me because
I'm going to keep a kind of on-line journey-of-hell as
I try to lose weight yet once again.

My first goal is a big one - I have to weigh myself.

My second goal is to lose 20 pounds.

After I accomplish that, I'll set a third goal.