Zombie Jesus

Man, it's so weird when things pop up out of nowhere and bring back strong memories. I remember telling Maime a couple of years ago about my strange relationship with Jesus. I hadn't thought about it again and, in fact, kind of forgot I told her because it's something I've not shared very often. Believe me, most people are not ready. And, then, after lunch today, Maime mentioned "Zombie Jesus" and the memories flooded back.

Back (in the olden days) when I was a kid, I did all of the things that are supposed to prepare you for a relationship with religion - I was sent to Sunday school, I went to church, and learned all the lessons. My parents are not outwardly religious - they are not church-goers, but they believed their kids should at least learn about Christianity and then make up their own minds. In Sunday school we learned all about Jesus and sang all the cute little Jesus songs ("Jesus loves me, yes I know, cause the Bible tells me so..." and "What a friend I have in Jeeesus...")

Then, when I was nine or ten I heard about zombies. Not much, but just enough to question how Jesus could rise from the dead like we were taught in Sunday school and not be a zombie. Truly, you ever think about that? I did. That confusion then morphed immediately into Zombie Jesus who lived under my bed. Zombie Jesus was just waiting to grab my foot and pull me under if I made the mistake of dangling my feet off the bed in the dark so I always had to turn on the bedside light first if I got out of bed (and, of course, turn the bedside light off last when I got into bed). For some reason, Zombie Jesus operated only in the dark. My entire (now pretty much non-) relationship with Jesus has been skewed by Zombie Jesus.

For years I was afraid of Zombie Jesus, then I watched a TV special on alligators. They showed a scene where an alligator leaped out of the calm dark water and grabbed a baby deer and pulled it under. Then all was quiet again like he wasn't even there and the baby deer had never existed. God, that freaked me out! Zombie Jesus then took on another, alternating form: Some nights he was still Zombie Jesus waiting to grab my feet if I was careless, and some nights he was Deadly Alligator waiting with jaws of death to latch onto my feet from under my bed. Either way, if I was caught, I was afraid I would be dragged under and disappear forever. The worst nights were when they were both under there at the same time.

The fear of Zombie Jesus and Deadly Alligator continued to be strong throughout my teens and twenties and began to fade a bit in my thirties. However, I still sometimes have that flash of fear if I get into bed in a dark bedroom. I almost always turn on the bedside light first. Just in case.

And, now that I've re-lived it through this blog, I'll probably have Zombie Jesus fear for the next few nights.....there's no way to stop it.